Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
