I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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