It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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