Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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