I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
third nipple confirmed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
