Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
