i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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