Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
