As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
