He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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