the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Couch. On fire.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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