i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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