it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
