wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
