If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize