I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize