So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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