also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
