We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
