I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my being single is dangerous.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
