please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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