so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
