At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
