He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Mom said you looked used
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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