I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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