I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
