I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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