If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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