That's intense
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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