its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
