He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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