Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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