haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize