I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
