I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
