I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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