So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
operation have a gay friend backfired
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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