Porn is love you can see.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
