I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
