i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
