how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
