after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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