i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
