mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
