3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
