stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
