wakey wakey hands off snakey
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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