took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
