You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
