I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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