I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
