Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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