At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
