No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
