I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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