Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
