Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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