Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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