hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
