she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
