i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you had me at cake vodka
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
