you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
