yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
