We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
