I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so much tequila, so little girl.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
