Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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