I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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