You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
