Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize