if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
