Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
