It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
