I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm like, not good at living.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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