I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
