You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
