I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize