i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
