and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
