Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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