my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And then he peed in my hair
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