Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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