saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
