We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
