a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
