I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
