fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
