I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
