i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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