I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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