I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need a beard to bite.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
