suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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