So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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