i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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