U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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