was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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