4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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