Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
