It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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