She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
