zippers are such a cool invention
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
