Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
